the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
