the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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