The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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