i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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