She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
