I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
