I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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