I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
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we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
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I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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