I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
