Cold hands, warm shart.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
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I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
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PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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