I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
