just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
