Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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