I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
