New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
