I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
