fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My ass is underappreciated
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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