i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
