I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's not a walk of shame if you run