I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...