My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
