The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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