The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
