Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
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So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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