I am puke
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
