im drinking this country out of the recession.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
