I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
