She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
