didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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