That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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