i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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