I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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