my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
