Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
