Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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