Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
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I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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