dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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