You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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