mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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