3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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