JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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