He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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