5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
