It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You are a genius and a whore.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
