i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
