Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
