please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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