i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
