Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
