There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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