Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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