i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
