my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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