Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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