Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
