Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
