I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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