And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
