ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
