Don't you send me to vm
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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