I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
