I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
