Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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