Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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