Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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