I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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