I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
