i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My vagina is very pro this idea
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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